Ants by the Gram
Eythen Anthony
An ANT-roduction to Ant Farm Development
Posted 06/22/2018
So, you want to get into ant breeding, but you don’t know where to start? Or you had one of those Uncle Milton ant farms growing up and want to take it to the next level? Well, you’ve come to the right place, because our slogan here at Ants by the Gram is “It ANT Too Hard.” Here’s five things you’ll need to get started.
1. A Plastic Container
While a “classic” ant farm is good for housing a few dozen or so ants, it’s not a sustainable model. Not only are you limited to a certain number, but your ants don’t have enough space to move around, leaving them frightened. And trust me, a tense ant tastes significantly worse than a calm one.
So, to ensure that your ants are unstressed, I recommend getting a plastic container that’s at least 12 in. x 12 in. x 12 in. I usually make my own out of plastic sheets (which I’ll show you all how to do in a future post), but, starting out, a translucent storage tote will do the trick. Just make sure you drill a few holes in the top and on the sides to ensure air flow.
2. A Plate of Water
Did you know that the leading cause of ant deaths, aside from magnifying glass incineration, is drowning? An ant hill can be ruined with the smallest bit of water and, because of that, you need to be careful with the ways your ants are staying hydrated. While a bowl is a common transporter for fluids, it requires ants to climb to the edge and risk falling in for a sip. So, to avoid this, pour some water on a concave plate. That way, any ant can get a drink without worrying about an unexpected swim.
3. Ant Food
Although ants are known for their picnic hijinks, it’s best to keep their food simple and natural. I tend to do nuts, but you’re free to use small fruits or leaves. Also keep in mind that every ant breed has a different preference, so your pharaoh ants might like sweet fruit while your yellow ants prefer seeds. This requires more trial-and-error, but it’ll be worth your while to find their favorite snack.
4. A Heat Lamp
This one is optional depending on where you live. Since I’m in Texas, I don’t have to worry too much about cold, comatose ants. But, in case you live up North, it’s best to have at least one heat lamp positioned a foot away from your colony. Any closer and you run the risk of scorching your ants.
5. The Ants
I mean, it’s hard not to have an ant farm without those steadfast insects. There are a few ways you can go about getting ants. The first, and easiest option, is to order online from websites like The Ant Hill and Antennae Farmer, who will send sealed ants to your home. Although easy, some downsides include the lengthy shipping process, as it can take up to two months for the package to reach your door, the limited variety, and the expensive price.
If you don’t think you have the pockets for online purchases, your other option is to search in the wild. Although it’s more dangerous and unpredictable, you are saving money. And you’re probably thinking, “Everett, how do I move ants from a hole in the ground to my plastic container?” Well, it’s simple:
1. Purchase a jar and a box of sugar packets.
2. Find yourself an ant hill.
3. Open 6-7 packs of sugar and tap them into the jar.
4. Lie the jar on its side about a foot away from the hill.
5. Wait.
After about 20 minutes, your jar will be filled with ants and you’ll be one step closer to the perfect ant farm.
An important thing to keep in mind: if you do search for ants, you HAVE to make sure you pick up a queen ant. These royalty figures are in charge of reproduction, so if you want your colony to grow, make sure you get one. That’s the biggest reason why your childhood ant farms never lasted more than three months. They didn’t have a queen.
And that’s all you need to start your own ant farm! Whether you want to get into the ant breeding business like me or you just want them as pets, ant farms are certainly a conversation starter.
COMMENTS
@Armadillo_Admirer82: You better be careful releasing this kind of information! Can’t let the public know all your secrets.
@EBiller77: Don’t you worry! I still have a few tricks in my back pocket :)
@Anonymous8762: How much for some ants?
@EBiller77: Great question! It depends on the species, but on average $30 per gram.
@Anonymous8762: $30? That’s pretty high.
@EBiller77: Well if you’re looking for something cheaper, I can do sugar ants for $15.
@Anonymous8762: Okay, okay, I could do that. Indica or Sativa?
@EBiller77: I’m sorry?
@Anonymous8762: What kind of weed?
@EBiller77: What!? I’m not selling weed?
@Anonymous8762: Then what are “ants?”
@EBiller77: ANTS! Literal ants. The insects.
@Anonymous8762: …then why are you selling them by the gram?
@EBiller77: BECAUSE IT’S EASIER THAT WAY!
ANT-eractions: An Interview with Todd Marcell (@Armadillo_Admirer82)
Posted 06/26/2018
If you’ve scrolled through the comments, then you’ve probably come across the username @Armadillo_Admirer82, otherwise known as Todd Marcell. Marcell is an exotic pet owner who possesses over 30 different reptiles and rare animals. Because these pets are less common than your average cat or dog, Marcell has been forced to find alternative businesses to support their needs. Which is how we ended up crossing paths.
On our inaugural installment of ANT-eractions, I sit with Marcell to discuss his background as an exotic pet owner, the difficulties that come with it, and the future of ant breeding.
Everett Biller: Hello Todd, how are you?
Todd Marcell: Well, I’m alright. A bit hot, but not too awfully bad.
EB: Yeah, I understand that. Hard to beat that Texan heat.
TM: You’re telling me! I’m wetter than a sponge floating down the Rio Grande. But these lizards sure do love it.
EB: Yeah. On the subject of your lizards, tell me about these exotic pets. How many do you own?
TM: Well, let’s see…I have ten lizards, eight frogs, eight snakes, four tarantulas, and three bats…Oh, and Dorothy of course.
EB: Could you tell the readers who Dorothy is?
TM: Right, sorry about that! Dorothy is my armadillo. About to turn seven next month.
EB: And I’ll take it that’s where your username came from?
TM: Yes siree! Love my angel Dorothy.
EB: How did you first meet Dorothy? Was it similar to how you found your other pets?
TM: Well, most of my pets are imported from Central and South America, where they have to be checked and whatnot. However, I found Dorothy in Texas: smack dab in the middle of the road. The poor girl was startled, still rolled up in a ball. I brought her back home and, since then, she’s never left my side. We go on walks together, go on drives. I sometimes give presentations at Crockett Elementary about animals, because the kids love them, and Dorothy’s like my little mascot.
EB: How sweet.
TM: Yeah, she’s a good girl. Quite friendly too, wouldn’t you say?
EB: I would say so. She hasn’t bit me yet.
TM: As long as you keep getting her those ants, you’ll have nothing to worry about.
EB: I hope so. On that subject though, what difficulties have you encountered from owning exotic pets?
TM: Well, for the longest time my concern has been food. Sure a lot of these animals are small, but they got unmatchable appetites, like Joey Chestnut. You know, the hot dog guy? They just keep eating and eating. And this wasn’t a problem starting out. I could lure bugs or pick up the occasional fruit to feed my first five pets. But then five became ten and ten turned into twenty and I realized there wasn’t enough time in a day to feed my critters. So, I began outsourcing. Befriended Jerry [Conner], who grows some of the finest peaches I’ve ever had, and Gregor [West], the exterminator who doesn’t mind gifting his rats to me. And that’s also how I met you.
EB: Yeah, do you remember where at?
TM: Ah, let me think…the town fair?
EB: Right, I had a booth between the lady who made jewelry out of bird bones and the apple butter guy.
TM: Right! Cause I remember you had your ants in those plastic bags.
EB: Yeah, and the kids would run up, see the bag and expect a treat. Instead: ants.
TM: (LAUGHING) Yes! I remember little Patricia Grace running from booth to booth. Next thing I know, I hear a horrid scream and see that little girl running from your stand. Could have sworn she saw a spirit.
EB: Yeah. In hindsight, I see why they positioned me next to the bird jeweler.
TM: But, it’s that scream that made me visit your booth. So none of this would be possible without Patricia Grace.
EB: Very true… Do you think there’s a future for ant breeding as a serious profession?
TM: Oh, um…that’s a good question. I mean, you are the only one I know, but you do such a great job. Ant breeding aside, I know few people who can manage such an organized business. But I understand wanting to be taken seriously. It took a while for people to know me as “Todd” rather than “the guy across the street with snakes.” I can’t say for certain what the future looks like for ant vending, but I think with time and passion, anything is possible.
…
EB: Thank you Todd.
COMMENTS
@Armadillo_Admirer82: Thanks again for the interview Everett! Looking forward to our next chat :)
Close ANT-counters: Meeting the Next Door Neighbor
Posted 06/29/2018
Like any animal, ants will do whatever they can to escape back to the wild. And while there are safety measures that can be made beforehand to reduce the chances, accidents happen and next thing you know, fire ants are traveling through your shag carpet like it’s the Amazon rainforest. Normally I do the sugar jar trick to lead them back, but a few always end up escaping from under the front door and find themselves in a new apartment.
Up until today, I’ve only overheard elevator phone calls about these insect invaders. Residents scratching their legs and complaining about how maintenance “needs to get their shit together.” No one has reached out to me about the ants or their possible origins. No one, except for G.
Today I had my second fire ant breakout of the month (really need to upgrade their enclosure). I placed the jar on its side next to the coffee table and heard a knock at the door. I ran over and was greeted by a young woman on the other side. She had red hair, round glasses and wore a t-shirt with “2016 Augusta Chili Cook-Off” printed on the front. Before I could say anything, she jumped and grabbed onto her left foot, rubbing it up and down. She apologized and asked if I knew anything about fire ants in the building.
Now, I want to make it clear when I say that I don’t think you should lie, because it is important to take responsibility for your actions. However, with that being said…there wasn’t a good answer to give her. “Yeah, I do. They’re actually my ants that I package and sell to people who are required to carry three licenses to even take their pets outside. My bad.”
Besides, my apartment has a no-pets policy. Although I think I’d be fine because Peter two floors up has a pet goldfish and hasn’t been fined. A fish and sixteen ant farms are basically the same thing, but the point is I had a few good reasons to lie. So, I did.
I told her the fire ants can get bad in June, but usually die down mid-July. She bit the bottom of her lip and gave a long and drawn-out, “fuck.” When she did that, I noticed a gap between her two front teeth as thick as a nickel. She looked down and pinched the top of her nose.
I asked her where she lived and she pointed to the door across from me. The apartment had been vacant for a few months now, ever since Ian passed away. Sweet guy, made some good banana bread, worked at a tech startup. The word in the laundry room is that he passed from an Adderall overdose. Whatever it was, it must not have been shocking or violent enough to scare this woman away.
The girl continued to glance down, slowly breathing in and out. After a few seconds, I asked if I could help with her ant problem. She raised an eyebrow and I ran into my kitchen to grab a new jar and eight packs of sugar.
As we entered her apartment, I made sure to avoid tripping over the many cardboard boxes on the floor. I opened the jar, placed it on the ground, and, like bees to honey (which is probably too similar of a comparison here, but I digress), the ants migrated into the jar.
The woman covered her open mouth with her hand before asking how I knew about this trick. I shrugged and said the Internet. She let out a light laugh and smiled at me, her tongue poking through the gap in her teeth. I smiled back before retrieving the jar off the ground.
I told her I better “dispose” of the ants, but before I could leave, she asked for my name. I said Everett. I asked for hers and she said G. I nodded and made my way toward the door, again stopped by G, who thanked me. I told her it’s no big deal and, if she comes across anymore ants, just give me a knock. She said she’ll keep that in mind.
So, what’s the lesson today? Maybe there is a good time to lie? You never know what to expect in life? Buying glass jars in bulk is not a bad idea? Or, maybe it’s this: nothing ignites a conversation more than ants. So, if you ever find yourself wishing for attention from that person next door, just let the ants do their magic.
COMMENTS
@Armadillo_Admirer82: Sounds like a good time! Glad everything worked out alright :)
@Rex696: Cool story bro, but how can I buy some ants off of you?
@EBiller77: I’m sorry about the confusion, but ants isn’t a code word for drugs.
@Rex696: Oh, okay…so how can I get some ants?
@EBiller77: Oh, wait, you actually want ants? Like the insect?
@Rex696: Yep. It’s for my greyhound.
@EBiller77: Greyhound? You’re giving your dog ants?
@Rex696: Yeah, it’s the new dog food craze. Check out this article: “Making a Meal out of an Ant Hill: The Digestive Benefits of a Hymenoptera Diet for Canines.”
@EBiller77: Wow, I never thought ants would end up as dog food.
@Rex696: Yeah, same here, but here we are…so do you recommend yellow ants or carpenter ants?
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Big ANT-swers to Big Questions: How to Prepare Ants
Posted 07/04/2018
Hello all you new ANT-husiasts! Thank you for coming to Ants by the Gram; the one place where you can buy and learn about those filling insects.
Today is July 4th, better known as the Fourth of July, the one day where we all come together to hang up flags, watch fireworks, and make some mouth-watering food. But, while we’ll be able to eat and eat all day long, what about your dogs? Don’t they deserve the same opportunity? Well, now they’ll be able to thanks to our six-legged friends and these tips.
Make Sure the Ants are Not Moving
I know some of you are laughing, but you would not believe the number of phone calls and emails I get about people who open the ant bag, sprinkle a few in a bowl and end up with an ant-infested kitchen. To make sure this doesn’t happen, place your ant bag in the refrigerator for at least twelve hours. That will put them in a comatose state, so you won’t have to worry about them running around.
It’s recommended that, after every serving, the ant bag is placed back in the fridge. If you’re concerned about keeping a bag of live ants in your fridge for too long, you can also grind them up into a powder and it will provide the same amount of nutrients for your pet.
Make Sure to Get the Right Amount
A mistake I’ve seen a lot of pet owners make is getting the wrong amount of ants for their dog. Often times, owners will be feeding their dogs way too many ants at once, which could result in a burning sensation in the back of the throat and an upset stomach. It’s the equivalent of one of us eating a spoonful of cinnamon, and I know no one wants to do that.
Don’t treat the ants like a main course; treat them like the secret ingredient or the special spice that gives the food flavor. My go to dog food to ant ratio is for every cup of dog food, sprinkle a teaspoon of ants. If you’re doing wet food, do half a teaspoon instead.
Make Sure You’re Getting the Right Ants
Although a lot of ants are similar in shape and size, an unexpected change in species can have a radical effect on your dog. For instance, carpenter ants have been found to be high in fiber, which helps with infrequent bowel movements. However, if a pet parent were to accidentally give their dog yellow ants, then they would fall asleep as it contains chemicals similar to chamomile.
It’s important that owners are knowledgeable of each ant’s effect and are aware of when they should be given to the pet. Something I’ve always recommended is labeling either your bags or containers with the name of the ant and a symbol for what it does. So, for my yellow ant container, I have “yellow ants” and a few Z’s circling around it.
We’re in an exciting period right now, one in which food is being revolutionized in front of our very eyes. I’m sure we’ll continue to learn about the effects of an ant diet on dogs, but if you follow these simple rules, then your pet will be happy and healthy.
Have a safe holiday, and remember: “It ANT Too Hard.”
COMMENTS
@Pitbull_Parent2: Can we order ants pre-ground?
@EBiller77: I’m afraid not! If you wish to have ground ants, you’ll need to use a food processor or a mortar and pestle.
@Armadillo_Admirer82: Great article Everett! We should try to get dinner this weekend and catch up on a few things?
@EBiller77: Ah, I would love to Todd, but I have to head out of town for a delivery. Maybe the weekend after?
@Armadillo_Admirer82: Oh yeah, that’s fine.
@GShep687: I know this is last minute, but are there anymore yellow ants left?
@EBiller77: I’m afraid we’re sold out of yellow ants! They’re a popular one this Fourth of July. I can alert you when they’re back in stock.
@WeenieDogWinner: What’s stopping me from going outside and getting ants myself?
@EBiller77: Nothing! But, I guarantee that my ants are ethically raised and will give your pet the meal they deserve.
@CunningKat9: Can cats eat ants too?
@EBiller77: Great question! There’s limited research on felines diets, so it’s probably best to avoid introducing ants for now.
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G, Wish I Could Hang Out
Posted 07/12/2018
Ever since sales have been going up, I’ve found myself making more mistakes. Wrong shipping labels, getting the wrong food, etc. In particular, I’ve seemed to develop a bad case of butterfingers, as I’ve dropped so many jars and bags of ants that find their way inside G’s apartment. And, like clockwork, G knocks at my door, I get the sugar jar, catch the ants, and leave. It’s a routine you think I’d be annoyed of by now, but it’s nice to see G and that gap in her smile.
This morning I dropped a big shipment of pharaoh ants, so I had to run over to G’s place and pick them up. I poured the sugar in, attracted the ants, and sealed up the jar. G thanked me again and, as I was about to leave, she asked what my plans were for this evening and if I would like to get dinner.
My heartbeat began to speed up, like one of those Saharan silver ants. As I tried to find the syllables to say, “yes, I would love to,” I recalled that I have a delivery that evening for an up-and-coming reptile expert. My heart returned to its normal pace. I turned to her and said that I couldn’t tonight.
Her smile disappeared, her lips now blocking her front teeth. She said it’s okay and we could try to do something next week. I agreed.
I exited her apartment and, before I could shut the door, I saw G looking toward the ground, her chest protruding out before releasing a deep sigh.
Hopefully we can do something together in the future outside of these apartments, but, until then, my ants will continue being the roaring ocean that drifts us toward one another
COMMENTS
@Sh1tzu8: Damn, sorry about that…quick question though: can ants be microwaved?
@ChewT0y99: Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.
@Hydrant45: Ditto
@Armadillo_Admirer82: Hey Everett! I’m sorry to use the comment section, but you haven’t been answering my texts. I would really like to get dinner soon. There’s something important I wanted to talk to you about. Are you free this weekend?
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Urg-ANT Update on Business
Posted 07/21/18
Hello everyone, I hope you all are doing well. I’m sorry to do this, but I have some bad news. Due to the increase in customers, the queen ants have had a difficult time keeping up with demand. As a result, they’ve pushed themselves a little too far and, I’m sad to say that we’ve lost eleven of our sixteen queen ants.
Although I appreciate your support, I do not think we’ll be able to continue at this rate. So, today on July 21st, Ants by the Gram will be shut down indefinitely. I hope we’ll be able to continue selling again, but if not, it was nice meeting you all and thank you for your encouragement.
COMMENTS
@Rex696: That’s outrageous! I just spent another $300 dollars on pharaoh ants this past week.
@EBiller77: I’m very sorry about that. I’ll be sending out refunds in the coming weeks.
@Rex696: At least there’s some good news.
@P00dle55: But my baby needs his ants! What will we do?! DO THEY EXPIRE?
@EBiller77: Although Ants by the Gram is closing, there are other online venues that sell ants. And ants do unfortunately expire, but not for a long time, especially when ground up.
@CunningKat9: I guess we’ll never learn if cats can have ants. Real shame.
@WeenieDogWinner: I knew this would fall apart from the start. Never trust someone to do a job that anyone can do.
@EBiller77: But…haven’t you bought ants from us before?
@WeenieDogWinner: Well yeah, a long time ago! Was quite disappointed with them.
@EBiller77: Hm, so disappointed that you bought another shipment two days ago?
@The_Real_G: So Everett, this is what you’ve been up to?
@EBiller77: I’m sorry, have we met?
@The_Real_G: Nickel-Thick Tooth Gap.
@EBiller77: G?
@The_Real_G: Bingo.
@EBiller77: Wait, how did you find Ants by the Gram?
@The_Real_G: Yoga class. I was complaining about the ant problem and my friend mentioned her Shih Tzu’s obsession with them here we are.
@EBiller77: Oh.
@The_Real_G: Yeah.
@EBiller77: I didn’t mean for the tooth gap remark to come off as an insult.
@The_Real_G: Well, it certainly doesn’t feel like a compliment.
@EBiller77: I like tooth gaps! What can I say?
@The_Real_G: A comment that doesn’t compare my gap to a thick American coin?
@EBiller77: Well actually the half dollar is the thickest American coin…
@The_Real_G: Or something along the lines of “I sell ants for a living.”
@EBiller77: Look G, I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier.
@The_Real_G:…Do you know what bothers me the most? Not the fact that I’m playing Russian roulette with fire ants every time I enter my living room. Not because I’ve had to throw out three bags of contaminated sugar. Not even because the legs of my couch are littered with holes from carpenter ants. No, what bothers me the most is the fact that you had the power to stop each one and you didn’t.
@EBiller77: That’s not true, they were all accidental!
@The_Real_G: And why should I believe that? What if you let each one happen?
@EBiller77: I swear I didn;t. And besides, what’s the big deal? I would catch almost all of them. And it meant I could spend at least twenty minutes with you. You would tell me about your day, I’d tell you about mine, and we’d just laugh. How else could I have done that?
@The_Real_G: Oh, I don’t know…maybe by KNOCKING ON MY DOOR AND ASKING IF YOU COULD COME IN! BY TAKING A SEAT AT THE KITCHEN ROOM TABLE, DRINKING A GLASS OF WATER, LOOKING ME IN THE EYES AND SAYING, “HOW WAS YOUR DAY?” You didn’t need the ants as a “wingman” to cover for you. They’re not some “roaring ocean.” It would’ve been nice if one day I heard a knock at the door, opened it, and saw you standing there with no sugar, no jar. Just you.
@EBiller77: G…
@The_Real_G: Don’t worry about it Everett. I’m sorry about Ants by the Gram, but let me make something clear: if I see any more ants enter my apartment, I will bring the landlord, the exterminator, the FBI, WHOEVER, to shut down this “operation.” Goodbye.
@PhillipM76: Hey Everett, it’s Phillip, Todd’s older brother. I think we chatted briefly at one of Todd’s barbecues? Listen, I know this is a bad time and I’m sorry to reach out to you like this, but it’s an emergency and this seems to be the best way to contact you. Please message me ASAP. It’s about Todd.
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Todd Marcell: Exotic Pet Owner. Advocate for Education. Brother. Friend.
Posted 07/29/2018
Todd Marcell passed away on the evening of July 20th from liver complications. I never would have suspected Todd of being ill, especially with his liver. Out of the many years we’ve been together, I’ve only seen him drink once and it was at Phillip’s first wedding. He looked so healthy.
Service was at Almada Funeral Home and organized by Phillip and Todd’s other brother Will. The chapel was packed, with every person in town wearing their darkest suits and blackest dresses. I entered the chapel, walked to grab a drink, and, in that brief period of time, I ran into three past elementary teachers, the exterminator Gregor West and even Patricia Grace. She looked a few years older since the last time I saw her, with her curly hair now replaced by long, straight streaks. She waved at the me that way kids do and returned to her mother.
While getting a drink, Phillip pulled me aside and asked if I would be comfortable being a pallbearer, given how close I was with Todd. I agreed. I took the back left corner, Phillip took the front left corner, Will took the front right corner, and their cousin Jeffrey took the back right corner.
At around 3 p.m., we reached Bowie Cemetery, the home of many Marcell ancestors. We each took our corner and began walking toward the burial plot. The crowd was quiet, with the occasional whimper coming from the sides. It wasn’t until we were three quarters of the way there when I realized I forgot to silence my phone and it began to ring in my blazer pocket.
I attempted to reach for my phone, but the coffin tilted backwards from the weight and I had to put my hands back on for support. No one could remove their hands from the coffin, so we continued walking, with the phone turning me into a beacon. Every pair of eyes found its way to the back left corner of Todd Marcell’s coffin, except for mine which found safety in the grass below. By the time we reached the plot, the phone had stopped ringing.
I stood through the remainder of the funeral and apologized to the brothers. Will seemed indifferent to the event, and Phillip said he wasn’t bothered at all. I gave my condolences before hopping into my car. As I drove away, I decided to check my voicemail to see who called me. In it was a message from a Bulldog owner asking if there were any updates with Ants by the Gram because, and I quote, “Cleo’s face is hanging lower than usual and I think she’s depressed without the ants.”
Now, at the time I was incredibly embarrassed about my phone not being silenced at my best friend’s funeral. But, looking back, if Todd was in the crowd, I know he would’ve been laughing his ass off. He would’ve gone out of his way to tell as many people as possible about what happened and he would’ve cracked himself up every time he started. He sure loved a good story.
I wonder what he wanted to talk to me about. I mean, I imagine something about the liver complications would have been brought up, but what else? How would he tell me? Would he be frank about it or start with a few jokes to lighten the mood? Probably a few jokes.
What if he wanted me to help knock items off his bucket list? What if he wanted me to write his memoir? What if he wanted me to take care of his exotic pets? What if Dorothy right now is starving because I never got dinner with him? What if the queen ant himself wished for a successor, one that would continue his legacy of community service? Am I, a measly worker ant, meant to take the throne? Is that destiny? Lineage?
Or, maybe it’s none of these. Maybe Todd “the queen ant” Marcell didn’t desire for his legacy to continue or someone to protect the things that identified him. Maybe all Todd wanted was a friend that listens, talks, and laughs with him. A friend to make his last days on Earth worthwhile.
But, I guess I’ll never know because Todd Marcell passed on the last day I sold ants. One day before I would be free.
COMMENTS
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A Queen, a Worker, and a Man
Posted 08/18/2018
Hello everybody, I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I decided to take a break from the Internet and social media. I thought it would be best to have some time to think and ask important questions. Personal questions. What do I want? What’s my dream? How will I achieve this dream? Who am I? And, for the longest time, I’ve used ant breeding to answer to these questions. Don’t get me wrong, I love ants. They’ve been by my side since I was a kid and they’ve allowed me to have wonderful experiences and meet people who have changed my life. However, I can’t let them define me anymore.
For the longest time, I’ve tried to place myself in the colony. As a kid I envisioned myself as the queen ant who uses his power to help grow his community And, as I’ve grown up, my position within the colony has shifted from a queen ant to a worker ant. I worked to serve my colony and, especially after this summer, my time was only used for my fellow ants. However, as I write this message, I don’t believe I’m a worker ant nor a queen ant. I believe I’m a man, one that can exist without ants. Sure, we have a symbiotic relationship, but I don’t think my life depends on them anymore. Like those fire ants that keep breaking out, maybe what I need is to crawl under my front door and escape. Return to the outside world.
I still find the profession interesting, but I need to know who Everett Biller is, not just Freel-ANTS Wrangler Everett Biller. The Everett Biller who wants to knock on G’s door and try again. The Everett Biller who wants to release all of his ants into the wild, so they may also be free. The Everett Biller who still wishes to have had one last meal with Todd. THE Everett Biller.
So, with that being said, this will be my last blog post on Ants by the Gram. Thank you all for your support and, I’ll leave you with this thought: while anything is possible with passion and time, remember we all possess so many passions and so little time. So make the most of it.
Take care!
COMMENTS
EYTHEN ANTHONY is a Brooklyn-based playwright and graduate of Emory University. His one-act play "How to Define a Man" was featured in the 2022 Lenaia Playwriting Festival and his short play "Mom's Famous Pasta Salad" was featured in the Viral Plays festival. In his free time, Eythen likes going on walks, collecting Blu-ray DVDs, and going to punk shows.